everything © ECS. email ecs@sonicpress.com to arrange
licensing, and to purchase prints, paintings, etc.
Everything is Deductible - IRS
Running Ahead of You
Close to the Action
Teenage Armtest
intro for an upcoming crazy poetry book, under the pen name "TheSilenceOfOne"
This letter was playing off a "best ov 82nd Ave." joke in the previous week's Mercury, and was supposed to help promote my "Dead Lines" multimedia show. (see "mixed")
I am writing to protest the Mercury's cronyism and corporate greed. You recently published an ad for PDX International Airport that states it is the only airport within a one mile radius of itself, when you know this to be untrue! I have tried repeatedly to place an ad in your publication for my airport, the ECS. Interdimensional Airport, and you have consistently refused. You even make up lame policies, saying you don't allow ads for businesses that exist outside of normal space/time, or for businesses smaller than a breadbox. And the accusation that my airport shifts "every two minutes" is just not correct. In fact, ECS. Interdimensional Airport will be appearing in it's largest form ever at the Berbati's Pan Rock and Roll Art Show for the entire month of August, starting on First Thursday. While I doubt the Mercury will see beyond it's narrow corporate world long enough to print this letter, as we like to say at the Airport, "Anything can happen!"

Ernest C. Smitten
owner, ECS. Interdimensional Airport
Airport reservations available at
www.sonicpress.com/ecs/multimedia

(p.s. We're working on a deal with McDonald's to open an interdimensional burger joint at our Hawthorne and 34th location. It's going to exist for about ten seconds.)

This letter was published on July 26, 2001 (see it here), but without the last couple sentences, which promoted the art show. So I wrote them back :

I wrote a letter last week protesting the Mercury's corporate greed. To my bittersweet surprise, the letter was printed, but in a twisted, censored form that erased all reference to my own greedy grab for free publicity. The shameless promo for my August art hanging, "Dead Lines" at Berbati's Rock and Roll Art Show was omitted, throwing the letter wildly out of context. Can you do that?!?! Without the capitalistic self-promotion, I come across as just some clever reader with a silly airport joke. I suppose you want me to buy ad space to promote my art in your newspaper. I wonder if ALL the letters you print are censored this way? You slimy capitalist whores! Just for that, I'm going to see to it that my interdimensional airport directs several interdimensional airplanes to land right on your smug three dimensional faces!! (I can do that you know. I'm the owner.)

ECS.

Then the editor, Wm. Steven Humphrey wrote me back to apologize :

Dear Ernest!
Sorry, but all letters get edited to a certain degree, and unfortunately, shameless self-promotion is usually the first thing to go (unless of course, we're the ones doing the shameless self-promoting). However! We have plenty of other spaces in the paper to publicize your wonderful event. Please send any press releases to katia@portlandmercury.com, and we'll put it in our calendar, or perhaps even write a glowing article about it.
Thanks for writing!
Yer pal,
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Editor

(They had already received a press release from me.) I did write Mr. Humphrey back, and explained that my anger was feigned, for the sake ov humor. He did not respond further. Strangely, the following issue ov Willamette Week gave the show a great review!